January 2012
I don't know what to do
and it’s killing me
“Well, yeah. And I’m sad. But at the same time I’m really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It’s like… It, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I’m feeling is like a beautiful sadness.”
—Butters
asshole.
HELLO WORLD
Today is a roller coaster for me, like most days. I’m getting back into the swing of things though, and I think after a lot of PROS and CONS lists, and lots of writing I get it. I’m happy, I am, just not happy enough and I’m going to change that. If this is my last year of life (and who am I to say it isn’t) then why don’t I just do me. So that’s what I’m doing me. So let’s get started on myself.
- I failed a class last semester because I was visiting Burly so much…
The way I fixed this was picking classes so I don’t miss any by being up here! - I also never did homework, and slept through classes
Now that I’m getting much needed therapy, I think this will change. NOT TO MENTION I’ve decided to try to wake up at 9:00 every morning, because it’s smart to just wake up at the same time every day. - Pardon my french but the only exercise I get is sex
and we all know I don’t get that unless I’m here, SO I’m gonna start doing yoga again! I’m going to be doing just a quick Sun Salutation, but that’s better than nothing, and it will get shit going ya know? - Bad moods suck, so why not just try to stay happy, stop worrying.
I’m going to start writing down all my worries at night try to figure out how to fix them and then literally shut the book on my worries- just leave them for the night and just not think about them- NOT TO MENTION I’m going to play the best fucking music to keep up my mood! - I had zero money last semester!
I’m getting two jobs though, both that I’m excited for! Which is so great, I can’t wait. And I’m going to take charge of my spending which literally is spent on Chinese food and Amtrak tickets… - All I fucking do is sit on my computer… to the point that now the internet bores me.
SO WHY DON’T YOU GET A HOBBY? Good idea me, I will! I’m going to start crocheting, and walking and doing more productive things! Yay me!
honestly. I’m just really happy right now after figuring shit out, I have faith in myself, and that hasn’t happened in awhile, so I’m proud of myself. Even if it doesn’t work- I tried! and that’s all I can ask myself for :)
Play
